Brittany (bamvsworld) wrote in interracial_luv,
Brittany
bamvsworld
interracial_luv

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Question

Hello =]. I was just wondering if some of you would be able to give advice for a problem...

Last night I was talking to a friend and she told me it was her seven month anniversary with her boyfriend. She told me that even though it has gotten pretty serious, she still hasn't had the courage to tell her parents. She is Italian and he is Vietnamese&Chinese. When I asked her why she is so scared she told me she even brought up the possibility of them being together to her Mom, who in return said "Do you like him?" when my friend replied "yes" her mother said "Well, don't. It will ruin your life."
The fact that her family, especially her mother and her sister, do not approve of interracial dating breaks her heart because she is so close to them. When I asked what she would do if it got serious enough to eventually take the next step and get married she told me, "I wouldn't marry him" and then broke down a little bit more and said "Sometimes I tell myself, okay this can't go very far, you won't be with him for the rest of your life and other times I think about cutting it off with him and I can't imagine doing so."
The only one in her family that does know she is seeing him is her sister, and I figured telling you all some of the things she said would give you an idea of the extent of her situation. Upon finding out, her sister [who isn't old, she is in her 20s] said things like "You are going to ruin your life" "Make sure you wear a condom because asians are dirty" "I can't believe you, you make the family look bad and you make yourself look bad" there was more but those are a few that stand out in my mind.
If someone had a similar situation and could tell me what they did or soemthing like that I'd really appreciate it. She asked me what I did but my family accepted my boyfriend in open arms, so I really don't know what to tell her, but I do want to help.
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  • 5 comments
It depends partly on her situation, like how old she is, does she live at home, or rely on her parents for money,etc. My dad refuses to meet my boyfriend and has barely spoken to me this year because he doesn't want me to date a black man.
However I have my own house and am not dependent on my parents financially so I chose to do what I thought was right. He'll either accept it or he won't.
Sorry I can't offer more advice.
I agree that it does depend on her living situation. If she's not in a position to defy her mother's will, I wouldn't recommend her trying to. At the same time, her folks seem a bit passive about it. It's not like anyone said, "Stop dating him right now or else." They just seem to dislike the idea which means that as long as they don't plan on getting married tomorrow, there is time to wait things out a bit and see what happens.

Thankfully, my folks are very accepting, so I've never had a problem with this and can't speak from experience.
Yea i see what you guys mean, thanks for the advice =]. My parents are accepting about my boyfriend and I also, that is why i was so much at a loss for what to tell her. I feel like she thought id be able to give more advice, which is why I turned to this community. Thanks =]
It was no trouble. ^_^
Am sorry to hear about your situation =[. Thank you for your feedback, it makes sense, i appreciate it. She lives on campus but am guessing she relies on her parents for food, tuition ect. I guess what you mean is that she will have to wait until she is on her own to really come out about it.? Thanks again for the advice.